He and She

Christina Rossetti's He and She

Christina Rossetti’s short but enigmatic poem He and She encapsulates the uncertainties and emotional complexities of human relationships, particularly in the context of memory, reciprocity, and time. At first glance, the poem appears deceptively simple, yet beneath its concise structure lies a profound meditation on love, fidelity, and the inevitable asymmetry of human emotions. Through its dialogic form, Rossetti explores the tension between certainty and doubt, between the desire for assurance and the acceptance of ambiguity. This essay will examine the poem’s thematic concerns, its historical and biographical resonances, its use of literary devices, and its broader philosophical implications, demonstrating how Rossetti transforms a seemingly straightforward exchange into a rich and enduring poetic statement.

Historical and Biographical Context

To fully appreciate He and She, one must situate it within Rossetti’s broader oeuvre and the Victorian cultural milieu in which she wrote. Rossetti, a central figure in the Pre-Raphaelite movement, often explored themes of love, loss, and spiritual longing in her poetry. Her work is characterized by its emotional intensity, religious undertones, and a preoccupation with the transient nature of human experience. He and She reflects these concerns, particularly in its meditation on memory—a recurring motif in Rossetti’s poetry, as seen in works such as Remember and Song (When I am dead, my dearest).

The poem’s dialogic structure suggests a romantic or deeply personal exchange, which invites speculation about Rossetti’s own life. Known for her devout Anglicanism and her decision to reject several marriage proposals (partly due to religious differences), Rossetti often grappled with the tension between earthly love and spiritual devotion. The hesitation in He and She—the uncertainty of whether one partner will remember while the other forgets—may reflect her own anxieties about the impermanence of human relationships. Additionally, the poem’s brevity and open-endedness align with the Victorian fascination with fragments and unresolved emotions, a trend also evident in the works of Robert Browning and Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

Thematic Analysis: Memory, Reciprocity, and the Passage of Time

At its core, He and She is a meditation on memory and its role in sustaining or eroding relationships. The first stanza introduces a hypothetical scenario:

"Should one of us remember,
And one of us forget,
I wish I knew what each will do--
But who can tell as yet?"

Here, the speaker expresses a desire for foresight, a wish to know how each partner will respond to the asymmetry of memory. The tone is one of anxious curiosity, underscored by the rhetorical question, "But who can tell as yet?" This line acknowledges the inherent unpredictability of human emotions, suggesting that love is not a fixed state but one subject to the ravages of time and forgetfulness.

The second stanza offers a contrasting perspective:

"Should one of us remember,
And one of us forget,
I promise you what I will do--
And I'm content to wait for you,
And not be sure as yet."

This response introduces a note of steadfastness. Unlike the first speaker, who is troubled by uncertainty, the second speaker embraces it, offering a promise while accepting the lack of reciprocal assurance. The phrase "I'm content to wait for you" suggests patience and fidelity, even in the face of potential abandonment. This dichotomy between the two voices encapsulates a fundamental tension in romantic relationships: the conflict between the need for security and the acceptance of vulnerability.

Rossetti’s treatment of memory in this poem resonates with broader Victorian anxieties about impermanence. The 19th century was a period of rapid social and technological change, and many writers—Rossetti included—grappled with the fear of obsolescence, both personal and cultural. The poem’s preoccupation with forgetting can thus be read as a metaphor for the fragility of human connections in an increasingly unstable world.

Literary Devices and Structure

Despite its brevity, He and She employs several sophisticated literary techniques that enhance its emotional impact. The poem’s dialogic structure creates a sense of intimacy, as though the reader is overhearing a private exchange. This technique also allows Rossetti to explore contrasting emotional responses within a compact form, making the poem both economical and richly layered.

Repetition serves as a key device, with the lines "Should one of us remember, / And one of us forget" appearing in both stanzas. This repetition underscores the central dilemma of the poem while also highlighting the differing reactions of the two speakers. The first speaker’s repetition is tinged with unease, while the second speaker’s reiteration is followed by a declaration of constancy, creating a subtle but powerful contrast.

The poem’s meter and rhythm contribute to its contemplative tone. The alternating line lengths mimic the ebb and flow of thought, with shorter lines conveying hesitation and longer ones suggesting resolution. The absence of a rigid rhyme scheme (while maintaining a loose musicality) reinforces the poem’s theme of uncertainty—just as the speakers cannot predict the future, the poem resists a predictable structure.

Philosophical and Emotional Underpinnings

On a deeper level, He and She engages with philosophical questions about the nature of love and commitment. Is love conditional upon reciprocity, or can it endure even in the face of neglect? The first speaker seems to fear the possibility of unequal remembrance, while the second speaker embraces it, suggesting that true love does not demand guarantees. This dichotomy calls to mind the biblical notion of agape—selfless, unconditional love—a concept that would have been familiar to Rossetti given her religious background.

The poem also evokes existential concerns about the passage of time. Memory, in this context, becomes a measure of devotion: to remember is to remain faithful, while to forget is to betray. Yet the second speaker’s willingness to wait "and not be sure as yet" introduces a radical acceptance of uncertainty, positioning love as an act of faith rather than a contract. This perspective aligns with the Victorian ideal of patience and endurance, as well as with Rossetti’s own spiritual convictions.

Comparative Readings and Legacy

He and She can be fruitfully compared to other poems in Rossetti’s corpus, particularly Remember, in which the speaker instructs a loved one to remember her after death but ultimately grants them permission to forget. Both poems grapple with the tension between the desire for remembrance and the acceptance of oblivion, though He and She frames this tension as a dialogue rather than a soliloquy.

The poem also invites comparison with works by other Victorian poets. Tennyson’s In Memoriam, for instance, similarly explores grief and the fear of forgetting, though on a much grander scale. Rossetti’s minimalist approach, however, allows her to distill complex emotions into a few poignant lines, demonstrating her mastery of concision.

Conclusion: The Enduring Power of Rossetti’s Verse

Though brief, He and She is a masterful exploration of love’s uncertainties. Through its dialogic structure, its interplay of repetition and variation, and its profound emotional resonance, the poem captures a universal human experience—the fear of being forgotten and the courage to love without assurance. Rossetti’s ability to convey such depth in so few words is a testament to her poetic genius, and the poem remains as relevant today as it was in the Victorian era.

Ultimately, He and She does not provide easy answers but instead invites readers to sit with the discomfort of uncertainty. In doing so, it offers a quiet but powerful affirmation of love’s resilience—not in spite of doubt, but alongside it. This delicate balance between faith and fear, between the desire for permanence and the acceptance of transience, is what makes Rossetti’s poetry endure, continuing to speak to readers across generations.