I Am!

John Clare's I Am!

John Clare's poem "I Am!" is a powerful exploration of identity, isolation, and the human condition, written during a tumultuous period in the poet's life. Composed while Clare was confined in an asylum, this sonnet sequence offers a poignant glimpse into the mind of a man grappling with his sense of self and his place in the world.

The poem opens with a striking declaration of existence: "I am - yet what I am none cares or knows." This paradoxical statement immediately establishes the central tension of the work: the speaker's certainty of his own being juxtaposed against the indifference or ignorance of others. The use of the dash creates a dramatic pause, emphasizing the disconnect between the speaker's self-awareness and the world's perception of him.

Clare's choice of the sonnet form is significant, as it traditionally connotes love and intimacy. However, he subverts this expectation, using the form to express profound alienation. The poem consists of two sonnets linked together, creating a structure that mirrors the speaker's fragmented psyche and his struggle to reconcile his inner world with external reality.

The imagery of consumption and self-destruction is particularly striking in the line "I am the self-consumer of my woes." This metaphor suggests that the speaker's suffering is both self-generated and self-perpetuating, creating a cycle of isolation and despair. The subsequent lines, with their references to rising and vanishing "oblivious host" and "shadows in love's frenzied stifled throes," evoke a sense of transience and futility, reinforcing the speaker's feelings of disconnection.

Clare's use of paradox continues throughout the poem, as exemplified in the line "And yet I am, and live - like vapours tossed." The juxtaposition of existence ("I am, and live") with insubstantiality ("like vapours tossed") underscores the speaker's tenuous grasp on his own identity and his place in the world. This theme is further developed in the vivid metaphor of the "living sea of waking dreams," which blurs the boundaries between reality and imagination, life and death.

The nautical imagery reaches its climax in the powerful line "But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems." This metaphor not only conveys the totality of the speaker's loss but also suggests that his very sense of self-worth has been shattered. The use of "vast" emphasizes the overwhelming nature of this destruction, while "shipwreck" implies both the violence of the loss and the speaker's helplessness in the face of it.

In the second sonnet, Clare shifts from describing his current state to expressing a longing for escape. The desire for "scenes where man hath never trod" and "A place where woman never smiled or wept" represents a yearning for a pre-lapsarian state of innocence and solitude. This wish for isolation is paradoxical, given the speaker's earlier lament about being forsaken by friends, yet it reflects a desire to find peace away from the complexities and pain of human relationships.

The religious undertones in the final stanza, with references to the speaker's "Creator, God" and a desire to "sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept," suggest a longing for spiritual solace and a return to a state of childlike innocence and trust. The image of lying untroubled between "The grass below - above the vaulted sky" creates a sense of harmony with nature and the divine, contrasting sharply with the turmoil and alienation expressed earlier in the poem.

Clare's use of language throughout the poem is both simple and profound. The repetition of "I am" serves as an affirmation of existence in the face of negation, while the frequent use of dashes and enjambment creates a sense of urgency and emotional intensity. The rhyme scheme, while generally following the sonnet form, occasionally deviates, reflecting the speaker's mental state and the tension between structure and chaos.

In conclusion, "I Am!" is a deeply personal and emotionally charged exploration of identity, isolation, and the human condition. Through its powerful imagery, paradoxical statements, and skillful use of the sonnet form, Clare creates a work that resonates with universal themes of alienation and the search for meaning. The poem stands as a testament to Clare's artistic vision and his ability to transform personal suffering into profound poetry, offering readers a glimpse into the complexities of the human psyche and the enduring struggle to define and assert one's existence in an indifferent world.

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