If I were tickled by the rub of love
Dylan Thomas’s “If I were tickled by the rub of love” stands as one of the most enigmatic and visceral poems in his oeuvre—a dense, feverish meditation on love, mortality, and the paradoxical nature of human desire. Written during the poet’s late twenties, a period marked by both creative fecundity and personal turbulence, the poem pulses with the contradictions that define Thomas’s poetic vision: the simultaneous celebration and terror of embodiment, the erotic as both salvation and annihilation, and the persistent, gnawing presence of death beneath the surface of life’s most intimate acts. Though often overshadowed by more anthologized works like “Do not go gentle into that good night” or “Fern Hill,” this poem offers a richly layered exploration of what it means to be human in a world where love and decay are inextricably entwined.
At its core, the poem is structured around a series of conditional clauses—“If I were tickled by…”—that establish a hypothetical state of being in which the speaker would be immune to fear. The repeated invocation of being “tickled” by various manifestations of love, growth, and desire suggests a yearning for a kind of primal innocence or unmediated joy, one that would render the speaker impervious to the terrors of existence: the “apple,” the “flood,” the “gallows,” the “axe,” the “devil,” and even “the outspoken grave.” Yet this immunity remains forever out of reach. The conditional never resolves into the indicative; the speaker is not tickled, and thus remains vulnerable, haunted, and profoundly aware of his own mortality. This structural tension—between what might liberate and what actually binds—animates the entire poem, giving it a restless, searching quality that mirrors the human condition itself.
The historical and cultural context in which Thomas wrote this poem is crucial to understanding its emotional texture. Composed in the late 1930s or early 1940s, it emerged during a period of immense global upheaval—the shadow of the Second World War loomed large, and the optimism of the interwar years had given way to a pervasive sense of dread. In Britain, this era was marked by both political anxiety and a reevaluation of traditional values, including those surrounding love, family, and the body. Thomas, though often seen as apolitical, was deeply attuned to the cultural currents of his time. His poetry frequently engages with the body not as a site of romantic idealism but as a battleground where life and death contend. This poem, with its visceral imagery of “hatching hair,” “winging bone,” and “urchin hungers,” reflects a modernist preoccupation with biological processes, but filtered through Thomas’s uniquely lyrical and mythic sensibility.
Thomas’s biographical circumstances further illuminate the poem’s emotional undercurrents. By the time he wrote this piece, he was married to Caitlin Macnamara, a relationship that was passionate, volatile, and often destructive. Their union was marked by intense physical attraction but also by jealousy, infidelity, and mutual dependency. This duality—love as both ecstasy and torment—permeates the poem. The “rub of love” is not a gentle caress but a friction that both arouses and wounds. The phrase itself is deliberately ambiguous: “rub” can signify both a soothing massage and an abrasive irritation, and Thomas exploits this duality to suggest that love’s very intimacy is what makes it dangerous. To be “tickled” by such a rub would be to experience love without its attendant pain—a state the speaker can imagine but never inhabit.
The poem’s opening stanza introduces this central paradox with startling immediacy. The speaker imagines being “tickled by the rub of love” by “a rooking girl who stole me for her side.” The verb “rooking” is archaic and evocative, suggesting both thievery and nesting—a duality that captures the possessive yet nurturing nature of early love. The image of her “breaking my bandaged string” implies a release from constraint, perhaps from the self-imposed bindings of fear or repression. Yet even in this moment of imagined liberation, the language remains charged with violence: “breaking,” “scratch,” “lung.” The “red tickle as the cattle calve” ties human desire to animal fertility, grounding the erotic in the raw, bloody processes of birth. This conflation of human and animal, sacred and profane, is a hallmark of Thomas’s poetic strategy. It suggests that love, in its purest form, is not a transcendent ideal but a biological imperative, as natural and necessary as calving cattle.
The refrain “Shall it be male or female?” appears twice in the poem, first spoken by “the cells” and then by “the fingers / That chalk the walls with green girls and their men.” This question, posed at the moment of conception and again in the realm of art and memory, underscores the poem’s preoccupation with origins and identity. The cells represent the blind, mechanical forces of biology, while the fingers suggest human attempts to impose meaning on those forces—to mythologize, to romanticize, to draw the “green girls” of youth and desire on the walls of consciousness. Yet both are ultimately powerless against the inevitability of death. The speaker imagines that if he were attuned to these primal urges—the “hatching hair,” the “itch of man upon the baby’s thigh”—he would not fear “the gallows nor the axe / Nor the crossed sticks of war.” But this immunity is conditional, and the poem’s progression reveals that such attunement is impossible for a consciousness burdened by time and self-awareness.
One of the poem’s most striking features is its relentless corporeality. Thomas does not shy away from the body in all its messy, awkward, and often grotesque reality. The “urchin hungers / Rehearsing heat upon a raw-edged nerve,” the “worm beneath my nail / Wearing the quick away,” the “knobbly ape that swings along his sex”—these images refuse the sanitized romanticism that often characterizes love poetry. Instead, they present desire as something feral, instinctual, and inextricable from decay. The body is not a temple but a site of constant erosion, where pleasure and pain share the same nerve endings. This perspective aligns Thomas with a broader modernist rejection of Victorian propriety, but his approach is distinct in its lyrical intensity and mythic resonance. Where T.S. Eliot might depict the body as hollow and fragmented, Thomas imbues it with a kind of sacred vulgarity—a holiness that arises precisely from its imperfection and transience.
The emotional impact of the poem derives in large part from this tension between the ecstatic and the elegiac. There is a palpable yearning throughout for a state of being in which love would be sufficient to banish fear—a state that the speaker knows is unattainable. This knowledge lends the poem a tragic dimension. The final stanzas, in particular, are suffused with a sense of resignation and despair. The speaker declares, “This world is half the devil’s and my own,” acknowledging his complicity in the world’s fallen state. The image of the “old man’s shank one-marrowed with my bone” suggests a horrifying identification with aging and decay, while the “herrings smelling in the sea” evoke a world teeming with life that is indifferent to human suffering. The worm beneath the nail, “wearing the quick away,” is a masterful image of slow, inevitable erosion—a metaphor for time’s relentless consumption of the self.
The poem’s climax arrives in its final lines, where the speaker confronts the ultimate question: “And what’s the rub?” Is it “Death’s feather on the nerve”? Is it “Your mouth, my love, the thistle in the kiss”? These images collapse the boundaries between lover and death, pleasure and pain. The “thistle in the kiss” is particularly potent—a symbol of beauty that wounds, of intimacy that pierces. The reference to “My Jack of Christ born thorny on the tree” further complicates the religious imagery, conflating the crucified Christ with a personal, almost blasphemous figure of suffering. This line suggests that redemption, if it exists, is not found in transcendence but in the very flesh that betrays us. The final declaration—“I would be tickled by the rub that is: / Man be my metaphor”—is both a plea and a recognition. The speaker longs to be touched by the essential truth of human existence, and in doing so, to find a metaphor that encompasses both its glory and its horror. “Man” becomes the ultimate symbol—not as an ideal, but as a flawed, mortal, desiring creature caught between heaven and earth.
In its philosophical dimensions, the poem resonates with existential and phenomenological concerns. It grapples with the fundamental human dilemma: how to live authentically in the face of death. The speaker’s inability to be “tickled” by love’s rub suggests a failure of presence—a disconnection from the immediacy of experience. This disconnection is not merely personal but ontological; it is the condition of being human in a world where consciousness brings with it the burden of foresight and regret. Thomas’s poem can thus be read as a meditation on the limits of embodiment. To be fully alive is to be vulnerable, but that vulnerability is also what makes love possible. The “rub” is both the source of our suffering and the only path to genuine connection.
Comparatively, Thomas’s approach to love and mortality distinguishes him from both his Romantic predecessors and his modernist contemporaries. Unlike Keats, who sought to transcend the physical through beauty, or Yeats, who envisioned love as a means of achieving spiritual unity, Thomas insists on the irreducible materiality of human experience. His love poetry is not about idealization but about confrontation—with the body, with time, with death. At the same time, he avoids the clinical detachment of some modernist poets; his language is lush, rhythmic, and deeply emotive. This combination of visceral realism and lyrical intensity gives his work a unique power.
The emotional resonance of “If I were tickled by the rub of love” lies in its honesty. It does not offer false comfort or easy answers. Instead, it stares unflinchingly at the contradictions that define our lives: that love wounds even as it heals, that desire is inseparable from loss, that to be human is to be perpetually caught between the “apple” and the “flood.” Yet there is also a strange kind of solace in this honesty. By naming our fears and our longings with such precision, Thomas creates a space where we can recognize ourselves—not as idealized lovers or heroic figures, but as flawed, yearning creatures who seek connection in a world that is “half the devil’s and my own.”
In the end, the poem’s enduring power comes from its refusal to resolve its central tension. The speaker never achieves the immunity he imagines; he remains haunted by the “worm beneath my nail,” by the “outspoken grave,” by the knowledge that even the most passionate love cannot shield us from death. And yet, the very act of articulating this dilemma—of giving voice to the “rub that tickles”—is itself a form of resistance. Poetry, for Thomas, is not an escape from reality but a way of engaging with it more deeply. In this poem, he transforms the raw materials of fear, desire, and mortality into something luminous and enduring—a testament to the human spirit’s capacity to find meaning, however fleeting, in the midst of suffering.
To read “If I were tickled by the rub of love” is to be drawn into a world where every nerve is exposed, where every image pulses with life and decay in equal measure. It is a poem that demands to be felt as much as understood, that invites us to confront our own vulnerabilities and to find, in the friction of existence, a strange and terrible beauty. Thomas, with his unparalleled command of language and his unflinching gaze, reminds us that to be alive is to be perpetually tickled by the rub—and that in that tickle lies both our terror and our transcendence.