Odi et amo (Latin)

Gaius Valerius Catullus's Odi et amo

Catullus’ poem Odi et Amo (Poem 85) is one of his most celebrated and succinct works, capturing the intensity of conflicting emotions in just two lines. This epigrammatic poem, which is both linguistically and emotionally complex, is a vivid exploration of the paradoxes inherent in human love and suffering. In this brief yet powerful work, Catullus distills the essence of love’s contradictions through concise language and poignant expression, embodying the poet's characteristic wit and intensity.

The first line, "Odi et amo" ("I hate and I love"), presents the reader immediately with a paradox. The simple, direct Latin diction belies the complexity of the feelings being expressed. The juxtaposition of these two emotions—hatred and love—signals an inner conflict that is both deeply personal and universally relatable. This line resonates with the reader because it reflects the emotional ambivalence that often accompanies passionate relationships. Catullus does not elaborate on the cause of this dichotomy but instead draws the reader into the immediacy of his experience, compelling us to confront the coexistence of such strong, opposing emotions.

The rhetorical question in the next line, "quare id faciam, fortasse requiris?" ("Why do I do this, perhaps you ask?"), adds an element of introspection, as if the poet anticipates an inquiry into the reasons for his contradictory feelings. Yet Catullus quickly acknowledges his own lack of understanding, responding simply, "nescio" ("I don’t know"). This confession of ignorance is central to the poem’s emotional power, as it emphasizes the irrational, uncontrollable nature of love. By admitting his inability to explain his feelings, Catullus evokes a sense of vulnerability and helplessness in the face of emotions that defy reason.

The final clause, "sed fieri sentio et excrucior" ("but I feel it happening, and I am tortured"), concludes the poem with an expression of intense suffering. The verb excrucior, derived from crux (cross), intensifies the agony by invoking the imagery of crucifixion—a painful and inescapable torment. Here, Catullus conveys that his experience of love is not merely troubling but profoundly painful, as if he is being psychologically and emotionally “crucified.” This metaphor not only heightens the emotional stakes but also reflects the timeless association between love and suffering, as love becomes both the source of his pleasure and his pain.

In Odi et Amo, Catullus encapsulates the ambivalence of love in a way that remains strikingly relevant. The poem’s brevity amplifies its intensity, allowing the contradictory emotions to speak for themselves without the need for elaborate exposition. Through simple language and a powerful metaphor, Catullus communicates the universality of love's paradox: it is an experience that defies rational understanding, one that brings joy and pain, attraction and repulsion, in equal measure. In doing so, Catullus not only articulates his personal turmoil but also invites readers across generations to confront the profound complexity of their own emotions.

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