“I am quite discouraged, quite sad at times. Would you believe that one of my sorrows is still my wife!”

Original: Je suis bien décourageotté, bien triste par instants. Croirais-tu qu’un de mes chagrins c’est encore ma femme! — Reveals the lingering personal wounds that accompanied his conversion. · Letter from Mons to Edmond Lepelletier, 1873 (French)

• Marriage
• Regret
• Sadness

“I am dying of grief, of illness, of boredom.”

Original: Je suis mourant de chagrin, de maladie, d'ennui. — A raw admission of physical and emotional collapse during his London years. · Letter to Émile Blémont, 1873 (French)

• Boredom
• Grief
• Illness

“Do not give my address to anyone. My family, M. Istace and Nouveau are the only ones who know my present Thebaid. Absolute silence, even to old comrades.”

Original: Ne communique mon adresse à personne. Ma famille, M. Istace et Nouveau sont les seuls à connaître mon actuelle Thébaïde. Donc motus, même aux anciens camarades. — Reflects his deliberate withdrawal and need for limited friendship. · Letter from Rethel to Edmond Lepelletier (French)

• Friendship
• Privacy
• Solitude

“I beg you, do not tell anyone that I write to you, to anyone, so that nothing is known of me. Tear up my letter.”

Original: Je t’en supplie, ne dis à personne que je t’écris, à personne! de façon à ce qu’on ne sache rien de moi. Déchire ma lettre. — Shows his desire for erasure and secrecy during imprisonment. · Letter from Mons prison to Edmond Lepelletier, 1873 (French)

• Exile
• Isolation
• Secrecy

“I do not really know where I am going; that is what is called no longer living.”

Original: Je ne sais vraiment où je vais, c’est ce qu’on appelle ne plus vivre. — Captures the weary drift and animal unease of his later years. · Letter to Abbé Louis Le Cardonnel, 1886 (French)

• Despair
• Life
• Uncertainty